Free To Be Me

People need to get off of people's back about things that they do. If it doesn't effect you it shouldn't matter to you, that's what I say at least. I just don't understand why people have to be in my face about things that I do when I'm not around them. It makes absolutely no sense. If you want to worry about something that I do, then at least wait until it involves you...
Forever Aggrivated,
Sydney

--http://twitter.com/sydlynneapps/status/2168597128421377'>Sydney Appelbaum (@sydlynneapps) has shared a Tweet with you:

"sydlynneapps: The fear of falling becomes more extreme when you realize there's no one to catch you."
--http://twitter.com/sydlynneapps/status/2168597128421377

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awful day.

I was having a great day with someone great until life came and ruined it.

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dream come true

Ok, so my friend is having a sweet 16 and I've always wanted to be a party planner and now she's letting me be her planner! I'm determined to do a professional job. Wish me luck!

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ediushauihuwfhes

Wow, it's been forever since I last posted. Time goes by really quickly. The first quarter of my sophomore year will be over in less than a month. I can't believe it. It's starting to get colder outside, but ALL I WANT IS SNOW. I lovelovelovelove snow. It's so pretty. Anyways. I have a boatload of tests to be studying for, especially since I missed some to go on the art field trip on friday (which by the way was great). I haven't really had a chance to prepare during the week, or yesterday because I'm on costumes crew for the first show in our new building. The Skin Of Our Teeth, it's coming along pretty well and the show dates are in early November. This is only the second show I've done costume work on, but I LOVE it. Hopefully I can keep my grades up with all the time I'm spending working on the costumes, and procrastonating my school work. I'm going to go try to study about the French Revolution. Oy.
-Sydney

baby where you get your body from?

I've decided I need to change a little bit. Lately I've been even more self conscious than usual about my body. Maybe some would say I've even become obsessive with the realization that I'm kinda fat. For a while I have been battling with body issues, but I realize wishing and half assing it isn't going to give me the drastic sort of change that I want. So I've decided to make a difference in my life and get the body I think that I deserve. FIrst of all, I'm going to start a diet. But since exercise is the biggest component of weight loss I'm going to take a triathalon training class and work out regularly. Hopefully by the end of the class I will be able to do a triatholon with ease. WIsh me luck! I'll keep you update.

-Sydney

"We don't skinny dip, we chunky dunk"

any other post.

Hey. Not much has been going on. Earl is here for a visit, but isn't as threatening as promised. It hard to think that summer is almost over. Today I had someone say to me "see you on tuesday" when I asked them why they would be seeing me they simply replied "for school". School?! Jesus Christ. I cannot go back to that hellhole. Please, pardon my language, but as much as I love my friends I'm not ready for this summer to end. The weather has been perfect. Camp was amazing. We finally got that summer house. Everything was great. Why do all good things come to an end? I'm not ready to have work, and to have to focus. Although I love the hot weather the one thing I am looking forward to is snow. I know snow is a huge pain, but in my mind it's like something magical. I know you're probably thinking "wow how cheesy is she?", but it's true. Snow makes me feel like a little kid again. I love to go out and play in it, and make snow cones. Snow is far away though. My birthday is soon! Not like there's anything that exciting about that... Maybe this year I'll finally get what I want, or who I want. Now stop reading this post and go out and enjoy what's left of summer!
-Sydney(:

Why Must All Good Things Come To An End?

Hey guys! I'm back from camp! My summer was INCREDIBLE. My age group was filled with the most incredible people I've ever met. They're my sisters and brothers. (: Everything was how it was supposed to be, even better. I'm having some intense post camp depression. I'm stuck at my cape house in the pouring rain, and there's literally nothing to do here. Hopefully it will get nice out again and I won't have to spend all my time moping around because I'm so campsick. I don't have much to write, but I promise that my next post will be much more eventful. Enjoy pictures from camp!
Loveeee, Sydney



A couple of us on a rainy day



Waiter Movie With My Favorite People!




Banquet With My Rangeley Girls!!!

i've got a tight grip on reality, but i can't let go of what's in front of me here

I have a week until i leave for camp. What does this mean? One week until pure bliss. Anyways, the title of this post is from the song The Only Exception aka my current favorite song. The lyrics are fantastic and it's just an all around good song. I'm currently cuddled up in bed trying to sleep, but something is keeping me awake. I have absolutely no clue what it is. Maybe it's just that I have a lot to do right now. I have work every day at 8 15 am. I have to start packing. I have to buy a banquet dress. I have about 1,000 appointments this week. Whatever. I just was thinking about what this week was like last year. My life was completely different. I was friends with different people. I had different goals. I had all these worries about what high school would be like. It's bizarre how much your life can change in 365 days. I should probably get some sleep. Sorry to those who read this (if any one reads this). I haven't been posting often at all and my posts have been bland and quite meaningless. I'm not sure if it's writers block or maybe I just am starting to feel a tad bit repetitive.
I never really post pictures of things so I decided to start this time.


this is the place of bliss i will be in 7 days.



my girls (:

if i don't post before i leave have an amazing month. i leave july 25 and i'm back august 14.
with love, sydney

Summer Lovin'

Hey cyberspace! (: As you may have noticed I haven't been on in quite a while. I've been crazy busy with my new beach house and starting my job and getting ready for my final summer as a camper in the place I call home. (camp)Summer Lovin' is the title of this post. Why? Cause I've got crazy summer lovin'. When it comes to love I'm generally a pessimist, but recently my thoughts have been changed. For example my previous rule which I call the "why bother having a boyfriend when you know you're just going to break up" rule has been thrown away. I'm crazy about commitment. Well not crazy, but you get what I'm saying. Anyways, why the sudden change in opinion? Of course it was a boy! He's not the typical guy that a girl dreams of sweeping her off her feet, but the cutie best friend that everyone can lean on. He's smart,funny,kind hearted, sarcastic, and we just click. It's almost like within the blink of an eye I found someone who can change me. This is the first time I don't want to "hook up and run". I want to spend time getting to know him and all that cheesy crap that no one ever really wants to work on, but expects to just happen. Now I'm no love expert trust me. But this is the kind of thing that I think a lot of people should be doing. Why waste your time having meaningless flings when you could find someone who makes you feel like you're floating through air? It's a great feeling. I don't even mind waking up at seven for work as long as we have our nightly phone call. It's great. Summer 2010 is going to be incredible.
Until Next Time,
Sydney

i don't care for your fairy tale

My title comes from a WONDERFUL Sara Barielles song. Anyways. I haven't written in a while, I've been crazy busy. Despite the craziness there isn't much to write about. Usually I would find something to write about someone, but the someone I'm currently interested in writing about cannot be merely described in a few words on my petty blog. Is he perfect? The total opposite. Is he nice? Ehhh. Is he smart? He's bright as a bulb and never lets me forget it. There's just some sort of magnetic attraction and I have no clue what it is. It's not like I'm in love, no. But I've never pictured myself having any feelings besides hatred towards this person and now mixed in with this absolute hatred is something more? I didn't think it was possible. Whatever. I'm over it. I'm not looking for a guy to distract me from what I want. That's what I hate about liking someone. Whether they like you back or not your mind automatically drifts back to them and you can't focus on anything fully. This semester I decided to make big goals for myself not only for schoolwork but for other things as well and it just seems like my constant pondering of what these feelings are that I have for this guy are getting in the way of me achieving them. Anyways, finding a guy like this is hard so maybe I shouldn't blow it this time? Oh boy, I've got a lot of thinking to do. MuchoLove, Sydney

sarcasm speaks for itself.

It's incredible how a whole day of endless sarcastic banter, and a few witty comments can put a smile on your face.

help me to believe what i know i can't

In English class we have been reading Romeo and Juliet. Along with analyzing the book we have spent some time looking at our own views on love. Are we the type to fall within moments like Romeo? Are we slightly more cautious like Juliet? Are we just looking for a good time like Mercutio? Or are we bitter, and pessimistic like Benvolio? Unfortunately I'm more of a Benvolio than anyone else. When we were sharing our views I began to realize that I not only hated the idea of one person being made for you, but I don't believe that the human mind is capable of actually loving. Isn't love supposed to be someone putting their partner before everything else? No one does that. I just can't see myself only being made for one other person. You have to be made for multiple people because what if you miss out on that supposed one person? Then everything is over? No. Some say that they live for love, but would they die for it? It just doesn't make any sense to me. In class we all joke around about my negative opinion, and I put a smile on, but I worry. What if I'm the only person in the world who's not capable of love? Forever in like, Sydney

what do you say to taking chances?

i lied. i'm back. Okay, so I'm taking a chance this week, and speaking up for a change. Unfortunately the cause I'm speaking up for won't help anyone really, but it will help me sort things out quite a bit. I'm just going to close my eyes, and jump. Unfortunately this is the internet, so I will not explain my situation at the moment, but once it's figured out I will tell you all what happened. Hopefully when I jump someone will be there to catch me. Daringly Yours, Sydney

"what do you say to jumping off the edge?"

rewind because i hate to fast forward

I'm in a bit of a funk. Taking a break from blogging. Don't worry, I'll be back.

i've seen better days

Hey! It feels like FOREVER since I last blogged! I was watching GREEK which is an amazing show! I've seen every episode at least twice, and all of a sudden as I was crying cause my favorite couple broke up there are so many horrible things out in the world, and I'm crying because two fictional characters broke up? If you think about some boy all the time, why are you putting all this energy into him when you could be making a difference around you. I used to want to help others a lot. I used to work at food banks, and I felt great when I did. So, I decided instead of spending so much time moping around thinking about stupid boys, and fictional people I'm going to think about real people with real problems. Problems like hunger, the economy, war, and even literacy. Anything that can make a positive impact on the world around me. I'm not saying I'm cutting these "stupid" thoughts out of my mind, but I'm just adding new, better ones. So, I know I haven't done a personal mission in a while, but I think it's about time I send you guys on your next mission. If you find yourself bored, or find your thoughts being consumed on something that seems worthless. Help improve someone else's life! I think that you'll find that it will make yours better too. Until Next Time, Sydney.

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. ~Anne Frank

and i don't know why, i can't keep my eyes off of you

Heeeey (: so, my title is fromt the song You and Me by Life House. Have you ever felt that magnetic attraction to someone? That feeling that you have no clue why you like this person, but your so drawn to them it almost doesn't even matter? It's filling me with confusion. Do I really like them? I certainly don't like the idea of them, but I'm so drawn to them. Apparently he's drawn to me too, but something isn't connecting between us. It's almost like we can't admit it. I know I certainly can't admit it to him, and I even have a hard time admitting it to some of my best friends. It's almost like it's weird to tell him that I like him. It's kind of weird to like him though, so I suppose that makes sense. It's currently really weird, and awkward between the two of us, and I don't know what to do. It's like there's this big barrier right out there in between us, holding us back from something great. But then again who knows if it would be so great if we can't even talk about it. Sorry, this just keeps running through my brain, and is most likely boring you to death. It's just one of those things that I simply cannot get off of my mind. Whatever, the situation will be fixed when it's time, right? Confused as usual, Sydney.

love,love,love

hey guysss (:
I'm in the best mood right now, and it's amazing, Like cloud nine amazing. Go ahead, and find yourself some love because nothing's better than being the center of someone's world. ciao!-Sydney (:

because these things will change.

HEEEEEY. So, recently I decided I wanted my look to change, so I finally changed it! First change was I got my braces off! YESSSS <3 The second change however I made today. I dyed my hair auburny reddish brownish. I LOVE it. It's so much more classy, and me than stupid brown hair with blonde highlights. BLECCH. What was I thinking? My new hair is amazing ily my hair person for making it EXACTLY what I wanted. All these changes are making me feel better about myself every time I look in the mirror. So, although this is a very short post it has a very important message. That message is do what makes you happy. If changing your look makes you happy then do it! I did, and I'm so glad that I made the changes that I wanted to make. Gotta Scidaddle, Sydney.

if i go crazy then will you still call me superman?

Okay, so my title has nothing to do with what this blog is about just an fyi. It's just the lyrics to the song I'm listening too that i LOVEEE. Anyways I'm sure you all know the person I'm about to describe. That person who likes you a lot, but no matter how obnoxious you are to them, and how much you flirt with other people they STILL like you. Well right now I'm getting so annoyed with my person like that. It's like no matter what I do I can't get him to leave me alone. FML. I'm flattered really I am, but GO AWAY. kay thanks gotta go get ready for the masquerade with btedss (: xo.

but i've never met someone that i hate more

Hello Cyber Space, I'm back! (: Cabaret was great (especially the costumes) but it's time for me to move on, but something keeps stopping me. Hatred. You know that one person that you love to hate? Well this guy is who I'm talking about. The one that makes you laugh, smile, and feel great except for when he doesn't. Like seriously? Either this guy has serious PMS, is bi polar, or just is a bitch. I'm guessing it's the third one. Anyways he's the biggest bitch the world has ever known. I don't mind the ones that are flat out always bitches, but he'll love me one second, and be my best friend, and the next he's freaking annoying. I get that we all have our moments, but this isn't just a one time thing. Whatever, I'm already over it. No that I got that out ... TODAY WAS 65 DEGREES!!! (: I got to wear my first spring outfit (: happy saint patrick's day riiiight? Today was also an overall good day. Everything I did I did well. (even in physics) annnnd we started Romeo and Juliet in English. I know that's ridiculously dorky to like that, but i don't care. I'm sooo happy that I read ahead a little bit just cause I felt like it. Trust me, I haven't done that for any other book this year. Oh and my friend told me to look at this as a blessing rather than the curse i see it to be , but now I'm a fucking 34D. Like WHAAAT? I have no clue when that happened. Anyways I'm going to go make cookies because today is a great day, and I love life. I'll write a better post soon. -Sydney

i keep a sinister smile, and a hole in my heart.

Hey there! I'm going to be crazy busy this coming week, and won't be able to post, so I'm posting now. Since I posted recently I don't have much to say, but I'll try to think of something interesting to say. Oh, and in case you wanted to know about that situation with those guys...which you probably don't want to know I think I'll go for the one that makes me laugh. What point is there in liking someone that you can't laugh with, but whatever that's just my personal opinion. I for one am not into the "feeling like the only girl in the room" crap. That's what I want to talk about though. Girls, and their expectations. On valentines day some of us expect the most romantic possible day, or some of us just want a guy to give us a smile. I personally think that less is more, but some girls think the total opposite. Where do they get this idea of romance? The movies? Maybe so, but movies have million dollar budgets, and your average teenage boy...well not so much. Also not every guy is the type to write you a damn song! If he is totally embrace that, but if you want an emotionless piece of eye candy don't expect him to write you the most deep, thoughtful, romantic love letter in history, just don't! People need to get this cheesy ass idea of romance out of their heads, and think of reality. For example my idea of romance isn't waiting outside of every class for me. It's both people having a huge smile on their faces when they finally get to see each other during the day. That one minute where you cross paths could very well be the most amazing moment of the day. My idea of romance isn't kissing in the rain. It's the guy who pulls a weed from his neighbors lawn thinking that it's a flower, and giving it to you. That might be the cutest thing in the world. One of the greatest thing about guys is how clueless they are. Sure, sometimes it can be a pain in the ass, but when you finally snag a good one, and he's cluelessly in love. Well that might be the cutest thing in the world. So, what if he doesn't buy you a tiffany necklace? Screw that! It's the home made card, or the extra long hug that defines romance. At least for me. Some of you might say I'm cynical, and effing wrong. I say I appreciate the finer things in life. Forever Realistic, Sydney.

"The heart has reasons that reason cannot know."

-- Pascal

confusion, confusion, confusion

Hey! So sorry it's been a while since I've posted, but I've been staying at the school until late at night working my ass of on costumes for the upcoming show Cabaret at my school. (: Although I don't have time to blog, sewing all those costumes does give me a slim amount of time to think. In that amount of time that I have spent thinking it's been about nothing but, boys, boys, boys. Sadly that's the truth. I absolutely despise everything about it. I personally don't think that guys are worth the time of obsessing over, and that if someone really likes you then they'll approach you, so basically you have nothing to worry about. But for some reason lately they've been all I can think about. Mainly I've been thinking about two things within the boys area. What's it like to be a guy? And who the hell do I like? Of course the first one I'll never know, but the second one is the one that truly bothers me. The question is asked all the time, and everyday I give the same response. "I don't know!!!" They say you can't choose who you love, but to some extent you have to. Do I like boy A? The sweet, charming one who always know the right thing to say? Boy B? The one that knows exactly how to make me smile. Or boy C? The one that's always there no matter what. To tell you the truth I do like one more than the rest maybe, but I don't know. I still can't tell. So, enough about me! Basically what I want to know is what are your problems with the guys/girls in your life. You can contact me however just let me know, and I'll blog about it! Yours truly, Sydney.

without a single thought

You know how I say "a loss of words is a loss of something to believe in"? Well I honestly don't know what I currently believe in because I literally have nothing interesting to say lately. I've been going about my daily routines, and having a great time with friends, but I haven't been able to think of anything. Maybe it's because I'm somewhat stressed? I don't know. My life is pretty hectic right now, so maybe that's it, but you never know. So, in this post instead of me trying to help you; how about you try to help me? What do you want to read about? What's something that's going on in your life, and you just need a little extra push to make it better, or what's something that puts a smile on your face? Let me know, and I'll write my next post on whatever that is.
-Sydney, the girl with a loss for words for the first time.

how do i get better, once i've had the best?

Hey y'all (: the title of this post is from the song Thinking of You by Katy Perry. Lately I've been thinking a lot about things that were. Basically the past. I've been reflecting on friendships lost, stress-free days, and even boys from forever ago. All I keep asking myself is what lead all of these things to happen? What made these friendships fall apart, this love lost, and those days of glory, and smooth sailing slip away? Then I thought about all of these amazing things that are here right now. Instead of the few friends I've lost I thought about all the friends I've gained. Of course it's still upsetting that what used to be a great friendship, relationship, or year fell apart, but look at what I've gotten from all of those experiences coming to an end. I know this sounds wicked cliche but I promise that if you do the same, and stop living in the past you'll realize how great the present is. So, how do I get better once I've had the best? I don't know exactly, but for now I'm thinking of what I have right here, and right now. And you want to know the truth? What I have right now is pretty great. I hope this was somewhat useful for someone out there in cyberspace who might be having the same problem as I was. I promise there will be a more interesting post next time. mucho love.
-Sydney

highway to hell: exit unrequited love

People may say war is hell, but I say love is hell. Like Pat Benetar said "Love is a battlefield". The worst kind? The kind that's simply a one way street. The second you see them, hear them, or even when their shoulder bumps yours in the hallway your stomach is filled with butterflies. Too bad that's not what happens to them. Every little action is over analyzed into something huge. They tell you you look pretty, and BOOM you think you'll be walking down the aisle. Sorry, not so simple. Love is what is holding us back from doing such huge things with our lives. The truly determined woman is set back by nothing. Not even love. Honestly what is love? I personally say that it's a mutual feeling that comes around every so often. Then how is love unrequited? It all begins with you. If you think you're in love, but the person doesnt love you back that's your own fault. Basically I'm almost saying that you're dellusional. I've done it, you've done it, so has almost everyone in this world. What I want to know is why are we so obsessed with this abstract thing? Why do we want so badly to be wanted? I'll never understand what truly happens when a person 'falls in love', but I can try. My next mission for you is to cut it out! Seriously. Stop over analyzing, stop trying to make them love you, and stop falling so damn hard! Trust me if you put your focus in to something productive you'll feel a million times better. xo
-Sydney

under pressure

BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH. All my parents ever do is talk! They just confronted me about how now I have to pave my own path. blahblahblah. Like, really? I have to figure out what I'm doing for the first half of the summer...it's just too bad I'm not old enough to get a REAL job. My mom suggested babysitting every single day. Once a week I can understand, but every day? Isn't the whole point of having a child that YOU take care of them? Not some teenage nanny looking to make a couple bucks. My ideal first half of my summer? Sitting on the beach all day with a good book, and my laptop. Then I would go back to a beach house and watch the sunset with a pitcher of peach iced tea. Sounds good. But then again there would be something slightly boring about doing that everyday, so I guess I would try something I've never done everyday. I know I JUST posted my first personal mission, but I promise that this one will be MUCH more fun. Make a list of 50 things you want to do before you die, then figure out how to get them done as soon as possible. Hey, you gotta live like you're dying, right? I'm excited! Have fun ! -Sydney

beginners aren't always winners

So, this is my first blog...ever. I say that meaning it would be great if you could cut me some slack because the post you're about to read is well awful. Break is coming to an end, and school starts back up again tomorrow. Once again kids wake up at impossibly early hours of the day, and try to focus on the bland torturous cycle that is school. We wake up. We work. We do hours of after draining activities only to come home to piles and piles of homework. Each minute in class is as bland as the one before it. Today I realized that the school year lasts a little over 83% of the year. That's absolutely ridiculous. Sure we get 'breaks'. Breaks that include assignments, and worry about our overall grades. Although school is a treacherous experience of complete an utter uselessness I must admit that I've met some pretty amazing people. So I have a mission for myself, and anyone who reads this (if anyone reads this). Try to make the most of the experience. When you're in classes look around to your friends, and think about how great they are. I'm going to try, and tell me how it goes. Maybe school will turn out to be something more positive than we ever thought. Ciao for now!
-Sydney